Thursday, 5 September 2013

An Interview with Brenda Jump

Brenda Jump, treasurer of the Sanford 3rd Age Club, one third of the STAC crime-busting team and dogsbody of the Lazy Luncheonette gives a rare interview.

Visit Sanford 3rd Age Club Mysteries official website HERE

How has your life changed since appearing on the TV programme, I-spy? (The I-Spy Murders)
It hasn’t. I still get up at half past five every morning and turn up at the Lazy Luncheonette for seven and I still get into arguments with Joe. Some of the draymen give me the glad eye, but come on, is that what appearing on telly does for you? I thought, you know, “Here I am showing my all, twenty-four/seven, surely some minor celeb will notice me.” And what do I end up with? Truckers with bellies as large as their appetites and men who deliver beer for a living.

You, Sheila and Joe encounter suspicious deaths wherever you go. Is this a gift?
It is for the insurance companies. According to Joe, whenever they see our names on the guest list, they jack up the hotel’s cost of cover.

It’s more to do with Joe, you know. He’s incapable of keeping anything to himself, especially his opinions. And he’s so nosy. Never leave him alone with your wardrobe or you’ll find him checking out your smalls and drawing all sorts of conclusions from what he finds. I mean, what is suspicious about a pair of red, polka-dot knickers? Most women have a pair… don’t they?

Costa del Sol is a cornucopia of beaches, boutiques and bars. Did the latest corpse put a bit of a damper on things?
A bit of a damper? 
Considering the body was found face down in the pool, you could say that, LOL.
I try not to let it bother me, and I have to admit, it didn’t trouble me too much this time. The work Sheila and I did for Joe took no more than a couple of hours out of a week’s holiday. And I keep telling Joe that there are more important things in life than sticking his nose into other peoples’ deaths. There’s shopping for one. Torremolinos is quite cosmopolitan, you know. It calls to the serious, professional shopper, and I’m afraid bodies in the pool came second.

The expats in Torremolinos had plenty of secrets – has Joe Murray discovered any of yours?
You mean aside from red, polka-dot knickers?
There was a time, a few months ago, when I thought he and I… well, you know. It didn’t work out, but he learned a few things about me. Nothing really damning, and nothing he didn’t already know from when we were teenagers. But the real secrets, like the PIN for my bank card, are still kept where no man can get at them. At least not in daylight, they can’t.

So what do you find so endearing about Joe?
His money: LOL.
It’s his naivety with women. He’s not the best looking bloke in the world. He’s not the best-looking bloke in the Lazy Luncheonette, come to that, and when he’s in a mood, he’s generally less fun than waxing strips at the beauty parlour, but he’s sharp eyed. He misses nothing. You try nicking a sachet of mustard off the counter, and you’ll see what I mean. And he does have bottle. He’s not afraid of anything or anyone. Until they threaten him, that is, and then I have to step in and save his bacon and eggs.

You’re possibly the only person privy to the secrets of his gilet. What’s hidden in all those pockets?
I hope you’re not inferring that I’m the kind of woman who would go through a man’s gilet without him noticing. He used to keep his tobacco tin, rolling papers, lighter and that kind of stuff in there, but as you’ll see from our adventures in Spain, he’s had to give up the weed, so I don’t know what he keeps in the pockets any more. I can tell you what he doesn’t keep in it: his wallet. I couldn’t find that even while he was sleeping it off after we… Yes, well, never mind.
Costa del Murder, STAC Mystery #9 is available for download from:

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